Let’s be honest: sometimes I’m the flaky friend. Not because I don’t care, but because my brain and body don’t always cooperate with the calendar.
Maybe anxiety shows up the morning of. Maybe depression glues me to the couch. Maybe I just forgot because executive dysfunction is real. Whatever the reason, I’ve had to figure out how to be a good friend and honor my limits.
If you’ve ever felt like the “flaky one,” here are some ways to keep friendships strong without pretending you’re someone you’re not.
Be Honest (But Brief)
You don’t have to give your whole medical history every time you cancel. A simple:
“I’m not up for it today, but I want to see you soon.”
tells your friend you care, without overexplaining.
Offer Alternatives
Flakiness feels worse when it’s all cancel, no reschedule. I try to add:
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“Can we pick another day?”
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“Could we do something lower-key, like coffee at my place?”
Even if I can’t do it now, I show I still want connection.
Find Your “Low-Spoon” Activities
Some friends are movie friends. Some are grocery-store buddies. Some are “sit in silence and scroll together” friends.
Figuring out which friendships can flex with your energy helps keep you connected without burning you out.
Communicate When You’re Steady
I try to check in with friends before I hit a rough patch. A quick:
“Hey, sometimes I flake out, but it’s never about you.”
sets the expectation and eases the guilt when it happens later.
Remember: Effort Isn’t Measured in Attendance
Sending a meme, a “thinking of you” text, or dropping off coffee can be as valuable as showing up to a big event. Friendship isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence, in whatever form you can give.
Final Thoughts
Being flaky doesn’t make you a bad friend. It makes you human. What matters is how you show care in the long run, not whether you made it to every hangout.
Good friends get it. The right people will stick around—even if you miss a few brunches.
Related Post: Setting Boundaries with Loved Ones: A Guide to Healthier Connections
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