As I mentioned in my January 2019 wrap-up I wanted to go into more detail about my struggles with body image and disordered eating. My struggles tie into my weight loss journey and began when I had reached my weight goal. At first, I felt good I had more confidence and my clothes fit comfortably. I was proud of myself to sticking to a healthy diet and exercising regularly. Most importantly I was healthier than I was prior.
In my post A Journey To A Healthier Lifestyle I mentioned that I wasn’t living a healthy lifestyle. So getting to a happy healthy state was what was important to me not trying to achieve some ideal body. But seeing people I hadn’t seen since my weight loss changed my thinking, and I became obsessed with trying to achieve that ideal body. I went from just wanting to maintain a healthy lifestyle to wanting the ideal body.
Words affect us
Words can have a lasting effect on us. People can develop illnesses like depression or anxiety as a result of interactions with people. That’s why we’re taught to be careful what we say. Because sometimes our words can hurt even if we don’t intend them to. There hasn’t been a day that goes by where I haven’t thought about something I’ve said or something someone has said to me in the past. Good or bad memories can haunt you and sometimes they don’t fade. They stick and get replayed over and over. And that’s how my struggles with body image and disordered eating started.
I don’t believe the comments were intended as mean or cruel but as compliments or encouragement. The comments they made didn’t make me feel good about myself. It just made me doubt myself and question the way I looked. People would say ‘you look a lot better than you used to’ or ‘your more attractive than you were before’. Which put the ideal in my head that I’m only likable or attractive if I look a certain way. So I obsessed over having that perfect body that everyone liked. I obsessively work out, checked my weight, and restricted my eating.
Disordered eating & Recovery
Each ‘if you eat that you’ll get fat’ or ‘you used to look like a mess’ I heard made things worse. Eventually, I hit a point where eating caused so much anxiety I would only eat 1 time a day. And I was working out 5 times a week at least 2 times a day. The comments didn’t stop so I kept pushing myself to get thinner and thinner. Nothing I was doing was healthy. I was miserable I didn’t enjoy my favorite foods anymore or working out. It was a battle to meet standards that others had set and not myself. So I decided to seek professional help and remove toxic people from my life.
Things began to improve over time with self-help strategies and counseling. The anxiety that came with eating gradually improved and I adapted a healthy work out schedule. Eventually, I got back to a healthy weight and to my original goal of leading a healthy lifestyle. With those people gone from my life, I stopped hearing those comments. I had kind and supportive people who helped me through the rough patches and build me up. I was back to how I felt when I hit my weight goal and each day I strive to keep that going.
What I Learned
In going through all this I learned that the way we see ourselves is way more important than the way others see us. When we look in the mirror it’s important that we are proud of what we see and all the hard work it takes to be ourselves. We have to be careful about what we say to others because we never know how it’ll affect a person. So if you’re going through a weight loss journey or your struggling with body image. Don’t pay attention to negative comments focus on you and why you decided to make a change. You’re beautiful no matter how much you weigh or what size you wear. People come in different shapes and sizes and there’s no perfect body shape or size. Be proud of what you’ve accomplished and the things you are continuing to accomplish.
Related post: How to Create Healthy Eating Habits
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